Seven Tech Nags and Nuisances

1. Loud Web Sites
"CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected to receive a free iPod Nano!" You punch in a URL and, out of the blue, your PC's speakers bombard you with noise from ads, ridiculously loud background music, or streaming audio/video, usually when you least expect it. This tends to happen to me in the middle of the night (I'm a frequent insomniac), and it startles the bejeezus out of me. Web sites should be silent unless I ask for sound.

If I wanted to stream a video, I'd have clicked on the play button. If I wanted to see the trailer for the latest game or film, I'd have found it myself. When I go to, say, Ubisoft.com for a patch for some game, I don't necessarily need to be bombarded with the latest, loudest, most bombastic ad for Rainbow 6: Vegas 2: The Consolized Crap Version of What Was Once a Decent Franchise. Thank you very much.

2. Slow Web Servers
I love Ziff Davis' own FileFront, and part of the reason is that subscribers get extremely fast downloads. I expect extremely fast downloads from dedicated download sites, but certain ones tend to employ servers that are evidently Apple IIe systems with 300 baud modems. My machine's connection is lucky to achieve more than 30kbps from some depots that are, by their very nature, meant to supply files.

For that matter, I also spitefully dislike sites that, if you don't pay their fees, hold you hostage in download queues that eat away 45 minutes of your day before they start your download, which then crawls along at about 1/10000th of your actual Internet connection's theoretical bandwidth.

3. Unwanted "Extras"
When I download a driver, I don't want to discover icons on my desktop after installation for things like Steam (which, as a gamer, I have had since Half-Life 2 came out) or some sort of Google Earth knockoff. I'm also deeply offended by the sheer number of absolutely necessary freeware apps which, by default, fill in checkmarks that indicate you want some stupid search engine toolbar or some other useless, unwanted trinket. Those side deals undoubtedly come from marketing schmucks who make deals just to annoy me. And you.

4. Full-Screen Software Installation Routines
Just the other day, I was rooting through the piles of boxes in my workshop and I unearthed a copy of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within. Having fond memories of the game, I decided to see if I could get it to fly under Vista. After popping in the first of three CD-ROMs and dancing through the autorun and EULA dialogs, I was treated to a full-screen, sound-enabled installation routine.

The beauty of multitasking is that I can be doing something useful with my dual-core powered PC while the installation goes through its gyrations. That means, I'd much rather games employed small, windowed progress bars that I can drag into a corner rather than forcing me to ALT-TAB to get away from their installs and answer some email or something. Company of Heroes, I'm looking at you.

5. Products That Should Not Exist
As a press guy, I get bombarded with press releases for everything you can think of and much, much more. Many of these products have absolutely no place in a real, functional world. They're inventions that exist to justify someone's engineering job or maybe to make quick cash, I don't know. I do know that I have no interest in reviewing a kitchen faucet with red LED lighting that makes the water look like a bloodbath. I kinda don't want to know about the latest in Japanese toilet seat bidets. And I really have no use for USB home pregnancy test kits. Does anyone?

6. Software That Talks to You When You Didn't Ask it to
Like those unexpectedly loud Web sites, I also have distaste for talking software. It's okay when I expect software to talk, such as when people in games speak to each other or I play something through Zune. It's not okay when it's totally unexpected, such as when you're sitting in a quiet room, typing, concentrating, and some antivirus application announces "YOUR ANTIVIRUS DATABASE IS UP TO DATE!"

If I have the speakers turned up, I have to change my trousers.

Computers are supposed to do stuff you want them to do. People who make software that does stuff that you don't want your computer to do are, to put it bluntly, part of the problem.

7. Forced Obsolescence
It burns my buns when a product that works perfectly, does what I need it to do, and seems to have been worth the money I spent on it, gets "phased out" for a newer version of said product. Companies do this by ceasing to update their software or failing to cough up current drivers for hardware.

If something works, why do I have to get out my wallet to replace it every year or two?

What are the little tech gaffs that anger you beyond reason? Please, stop by our forums and vent.